i did end up watching Saved, which was by far one the most painful experiences i've had in a while, but much like the whole "accident along side of road can't stop looking analogy" so it went with my inability to pull myself from the screen. it was really just like Mean Girls only in a christian school setting. the part that was painful was it's complete mockery of everything christian and it's own "pop-culture" that it has formed in order to keep up with the times. they had the uber cheesy mega freek Principle and christian rock groups and Jesus paraphonilia. christians trying to perform exorcisms... really bad. my pain isn't in seeing this and feeling offended as a christian and wondering how it must be hurting jesus' feelings. the pain comes in realizing that we as christians in our pseudo attempt at being "trendy" and "cool" have been really just made ourselves into the laughing stock of society. it's because we try too hard. and i do love my fellow brothers and sisters in the lord, but this is one of those times when i feel like the teenager that was friends with everyone. the friend that cringes when the nerdy do really nerdy things and gets livid when the "in-crowd" act like bastards.

randomness...

when i was a youth pastor i often made up words while giving my inspirational talk of the evening to the kiddies. my brain would start malfunctioning and out of my mouth would spew obsurdities. of course this would cause them to convulse in laughter and be used as amunition for later while in front of my fellow peers. (i loved them for that) one of the words i fused in my brain one evening was gastronomical. it was a combination of God and astronomical. the kids still poke fun of me for word, but i just want to put on the record that in fact it is not a made up word and in fact is what i think the new "uber cool" will be. you see i was reading Bob Dylan's book yesterday and happened upon the word... in his first chapter mind you. now he did use it in reference to his experience with a friend and really greasy food, none the less if the great Bob Dylan uses it, so shall i.

music picks of the week:

Travis - all three albums. really cool pop-rock band from europe. thanks to erin for the rub.

Dylan - been getting into all kinds of his stuff. thanks to craig for the rub.

one last thing: i interviewed for management position over a month ago. they have been dangling it in front of me for so long that it's turned into a psychological experiment. like when they put fish in a tank but seperate them from the other side with a clear piece of glass. the fish continually keep bonking their heads into it until they learn over a period of time that they can't go and don't even bother trying even after the piece of glass is finally removed. that's how i feel right now. they are going to suddenly remove the glass without me knowing it and i'll just continue on thinking that i'll never be able to get to the other side. grrrr.

peace out peeps

mel

the back-up plan...

was talking with my best friend about a new book she's been reading called "He's Just Not That Into You." this guy has officially called out the male species on the carpet. he has revealed the truth behind all of the cover up's and lies that have been passed down from male generation to male generation. the bottom line is ladies- if it's right you'll know it, if it's not... you may hear one the following excuses: 1) i've been really busy lately, sorry i haven't called. 2) i just want to be friends 3)i've been meaning to call you, but my phone battery died 4)i just need time to get past my previous relationship. meanwhile he may have found the right girl and will have proposed two months later, while still maintaining that he's just need's a little more time when it comes to you.

here's what i think is unfair about the book. the truth is that girls do the same thing with the guys they aren't interested in as well. maybe the bottom line for both sexes is that we hate not having a back up plan. we keep stringing the other sex along just in case we reach the age of 40 and realize we still haven't found mr/mrs right. we may also revert to the excuse that we don't want to hurt the other person's feelings, but the truth is that it will hurt no matter what. rejection sucks whether it was right or not. the bottom line again is that you are never going to use the back up plan as the real thing. you've strung them along for no reason.

this has made me think about the whole dating thing in a new light. honestly i know within the first date whether or not i see it going anywhere. so why can't i just admit that to the person right away instead of letting it linger? because sometimes the idea of someone is better than being alone and honestly it takes courage admit what you really want. dating sucks.

mel

the critic's corner...

watched Mean Girls the other night. it was mildly entertaining with a good message. i give it a C. the next pop-culture movie on the list is Saved.

visited a church on Sunday(not the messianic jewish church as mentioned in a previous post)... i'm struggling with a critical attitude. i started making out a list of things that made me dig my nails into my skin.

a. making visters stand up in front of everyone... then applauding them. i almost got up and walked out. i know that this was an attempt to recognize people and make them feel "welcome", but there are other ways of figuring this out without making a spectacle of people. really tacky.

b. the pastor was praying corporately and said, "Lord we thank you that we can be here today with the people we love the most... your church." May i quote Jesus who said (paraphrased) "If you love those who love you than you are no better than the pagans. love your enemies the most." and what if i'm a visitor that knows nothing about church...? nice buddy.

c. no women in any leadership at all.

d. an invitition for just the ladies to attend a holiday decorating luncheon. can we stop stereotyping already!

e. the pastor referred to his son as lost because he caught him: 1) listening to secular music 2) holding a girl's hand and calling her on the phone 3)cursing 4) hanging out with non-christian friends. ughhh!! what the pastor didn't realize is that during the sermon he told the truth of what the real problem was... his son had always felt like his dad was looking down on him with a righteous, holier-than thou attitude which he ended up resenting. his son finally turned his life around when the dad finally approached his son as just another sinner trying to figure things out and started building a relationship with him. when are we going to learn that it's not the letter of the law, but rather the spirit. secular music, girls, etc. these are not the problem.

i know i need to take a good look at the plank in my own eye before i take the speck out of someone else's, but i just couldn't help but come into this experience as an outsider and think of how it must sound and look to those who don't know the lord. maybe they wouldn't be as critical, i don't know.

i've been crabby the past couple of days anyway. i received my background check information in the mail. i looked under my previous employer and saw that the church i worked at told the company that i was not approved for rehire... that hurt. 1) they aren't supposed to give that information out 2) it's a personal stab by the pastor... he doesn't want me back, not the church.

oh well... i'm going to go now and use humor and attention getting antics to cover up my pain and despair.

peace

mel

life is short isn't it? really in the grand scheme of things it's just so small... and yet everyone's life holds so much. a friend of mine and his dad came into the starbucks in chicago all the time and i ended up going to their church. his dad died on tuesday and i can't help but think of how people impact us in unexpected ways. i got to know them through serving coffee. scott and his dad were regulars and were by far my favorite customers. they had a really cool father son relationship... it was very loving, very godly. it was refreshing to see. can't wait till this life is over and i don't have to witness good things coming to an end...

mel

ahh vacation:) it was good to get away for awhile. i'm amazed at how fast the trees change colors. the trip back was absolutely beautiful! fall is by far my favorite season. i love the smell in the air and the crunch of leaves underfoot... pumpkins, apples, hay rides, all of it. hmmm:)

i recently went to a theological round table discussion. a very diverse group of people came, one of which was a messianic jew. i was completely engrossed by what he had to say. i realized after listening to his thoughts on the topic of the night that i/evangelical christians have been missing out on an important aspect of our beliefs...our jewish heritage. he said a prayer that night in Hebrew and i have never felt anything like it. i was more spiritually connected to that prayer than i have ever been to one spoken in english. i almost started to cry over a blessing for our meal. i want to learn more about this culture and people. i've been attending a postmodern style church and i like it, but there was something about this experience that has given me a desire to explore more of the messianic jewish faith. i can't wait to check it out...

anyway... it's off to work.

shalom!

mel

i haven't felt like blogging these days... too much on my mind to condense. i need a vacation... which i'm getting shortly. i'm going to Nashville to meet up with my sister and visit a friend. i need some breathing room. i've been swamped with getting ready for my promotional interview with the coffee shop i work at. i'm pretty excited about it. i look forward to new challenges and learning more. i just hope i get it. if not then i'll consider other avenues. that whole closed door, open window thing.

it's all for now:)

peace

mel