a quick excerpt from a phenomenal book that i've been reading by Renee Altson, stumbling towards faith. visit her website at renee@stumblingtowardfaith.com

"i see now
there was so much i wanted
that i reached for it all and my heart broke
in the reaching, as my arms extended,
i found myself unable to defend myself.

they touched the parts i
could not protect.

oh god
why did you choose to use
people
why did you make us so
vulnerable

why do you let others
stand in your shapes
speak as in your voice
why do they have that power?"


i touched on this subject in an earlier post, but this author articulates it so much better than i...

"i recently entered a christian bookstore for the first time in about 10 years.

funny how numb the brain gets to absurdity, how easily we swallow the asinine.

it was sickening. i stood in the middle of this huge room, surrounded by godstuph, and i wanted to weep. and scream. and barf. i was furious and disgusted and horrified and brokenhearted all at the same time.

i wanted to tear it all down, to rip it shreds, to stop it. i wanted to run up to my fellow browsers, shake them, and scream, 'don't you see? don't you see? this isn't it! this isn't it!' it's everything wrong with the church, everything wrong with trying to market jesus, market testaMINTS and godly lemon drops and christian chocolate, trying to wrap the gospel, the passion, the life, the god without limits into something tantelizing and tasty and understandable. isn't the wonder of god, of jesus, that they are beyond our ultimate understanding? isn't the mystery part of the story? isn't the unknowing part of what makes it so beautiful? i want the wild god- the god who spends time with people nobody else will look at: the insane, the ugly, the disenfranchised, the hurt."

mel

my sister and i have had a really deep connection since her birth... she was born 12 months, 2 weeks and 4 days after me. she was the reason i decided to walk. we have that feeling that twins say they get. sounds crazy huh? it's true, though. i have had several occasions when i knew that something terribly wrong was happening to her or she needed to talk. she gets that same feeling with me. it's a phenomena that i don't understand... maybe it's because there wasn't enough time for the genetic pool to reassemble? i don't know... but it happened again this morning. she woke up at 6:30 a.m. thinking about me and called me. at that same time i was thinking of her and called her. weird huh? i'm very blessed to have her.

anyway... i'm gettin ready to do a coffee seminar and i'm totally excited about being able to teach people! i miss teaching so much!! it's been a year and a half since i have taught anyone anything. i'm with you tRoy... i love inspiring people! (i was actually thinking about watching Dead Poets Society today:) i need to volunteer for a youth group again and get back into my passion. i miss my kids (youth group -don't have my own). i miss being there for them when their days are crappy and life doesn't make sense. i miss investing in the lives of kids who don't have adults to talk to. i miss their hormones and energy. i miss having them come up unexpectedly to tell me that i've made a difference because i just love on them. i miss having them try to pull crap on me only to find out that they've been busted. i want to have that feeling back of frustration and joy, then Yen and Yang of youth ministry.

it's time to get back in the game again. i've been sitting on the sidelines long enough.

Mel