sushi by candlelight:) that's what happens when a giant tree-like branch splices the wire running into your home and leaves one with no electricity for several hours. my roomies and i were planning our "last dinner as roomates" outing for friday night, but had to wait for the electric company to come fix the wire. so we ordered sushi, lit some candles and had a great time just talking and listening to the rain. i loved it:) i didn't want the electricity to come back on. it made me realize how distracted i am by modern technology. instead of watching t.v. and eating dinner we all sat around a table and talked and talked some more. definitely a memorable last meal:)

i woke up singing a christmas carol this morning... "O Holy Night" it was a really worshipful experience. i then tripped over a bunch of boxes in my room and spouted out "Holy $#%^". how does one go from the mountain to the valley in 0.6 seconds? so weak... so pathetic... soooo tired at 3:45 am.

driving by on my way to work everyday i see a sign for the Chicago Cubs posted on a fence. it says something to the effect of, "Go Cubbies...never forget last season" ... it's posted right in front of an Alzeimer's Assisted Living Center:) it makes me giggle.

i was watching American Idol last night and was really excited that Fantasia (who has been my favorite all along) has made it to the finals!! is it me or does Diana have a funny mouth? almost shaped like "The Joker" from Batman. i'm not being rude or critical cuz she's a cute girl i just think her mouth is funny.

last thought... i got really upset today during a discussion at work. some employees mentioned that they downloaded the video of the beheading of the American in Iraq. That alone disturbs me, but then a statement made in jest that "it is our rights as Americans to see the video and the government shouldn't be telling us that we can't see it." i wanted to cry. the man that was beheaded was a father's son, a friend, a brother...he was a person!! not an icon or symbol or star for pete's sake. he was a person, with a family and a life to live and it was taken from him!! this in not about our rights as americans this is about a human sacrifice that was horrible and gruesome. it doesn't matter how it was done, it was done. period. isn't that enough? we shouldn't be showing the pictures of the Iraqians in prison either. it just completely pisses me off at our lack of reverance and respect of life and humanity. despite what Hollywood would allow us to believe, violence and torture are not entertaining!! just ask the victim's family.


mel

lets get naked.

that's my new mission. i was talking with a woman at the bank the other day about americans verses - well, just about any other nation in the world (hers in paritcular was Germany) we americans are a bunch of shallow, evasive, superficial, egocentric, self-absorbed, immature, materialistic, pre-pubescents (in so many words:) a friend of mine made a great analogy and compared americans to peaches... soft and fuzzy on the outside and hard as rocks and unpenetrable on the inside.

Paul Tournier says this "'No one can find a full life without feeling understood at least by one person. Misunderstood, he loses his self-confidence, he loses his faith in life, or even in God. Here is an even greater mystery: no one comes to know himself through introspection, or in the solitude of his personal diary. He who would see himself clearly must open up to a confidant freely choosen and worthy of trust. It may be a friend just as easily a doctor'"

we americans have lost site of that. and so my mission to get naked stems from this.

let's not:
- consult our journals, the mall, food, t.v., movies, music, Oprah or fill up the "void" with constant social gatherings, trivial small talk, or other filler activities.

let's:
- be a people that work on the things that count in life. relationships... to understand others and be understood.
- dig deep even if it means finding ugly things buried that we've been hiding.
- try to be someone that is condidered trustworthy.
- become honest with ourselves and have others be honest with us.
- embrace heartache and growing pains as character lines rather than scars.
- get what we deserve and don't deserve.
- duke this thing called life out and do it in the spirit of purity and love.
- not be peaches...but rather onions.
- peal back the layers until we truly find out who we are inside.
- get naked:)

i went to see 13 Going on 30 the other night. it's definitely a cliche chick flick, and i loved most of it except for there confusing mix of 80's music... if this girl was going back 17 years that would put her in 1987/88. knowing this i was confused how Belinda Carlisle's "Mad About You" could be thrown in with Michael Jackson's "Thriller," and The Cure. They were all over the 80's music map. not consistant with 1987/88. come think of it... i believe one of my favorite boy bands of all times might have been making their way up the charts at this time. that's right-Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh... Hangin Tough baby:) NKOTB!! Whew Hew.

i started thinking about when i was 13 after watching the movie and i had an epiphany... i may not like certain things about my life right now, but i never, ever, ever want to be 13 again!! Thirty and Flirty isn't so bad:)

adios

mel

alright, i'm going to attempt at posting a blog from my home computer which should be virus free by now... i'm keeping my fingers crossed+

okay, so it's three a.m. and what in the world am i doing up? God usually speaks to me smack dab in the middle of the night. right when i think i am going to get the full night's rest, he jumps in with deep thoughts of the day, which i love:) some of the most amazing worship times for me have been at three a.m. and so here i am with my deep thoughts from God that i am expounding on with you. please forgive me if they are marbly jarbly.

truth is that today was poopy for me. the past year has been poopy. i know why. it's not like God has kept it a secret from me. i've been in the waiting room. a "wandering in the desert for forty years" experience if you will. part of the wandering journey includes detailed dreams about water. the last dream i had involved driving a car into a lake, which i thought for sure would sink, but was pleasantly surprised that there was a road hidden beneath the water that i didn't see. made it mostly across until the car was swept away from the undertoe. there i was... the water gushing in and i can't get out. this dream could be a result of eating to close to bed time or just plain paranoia, but i believe there was something more to it. i have correlated this with Moses, but didn't he make it all the way across and the enemy was swept away? am i really pharoah with the hard heart? as i was thinking about this i realized the scripture that i read before i went to bed found in Deut. it's on the top ten list (not David Letterman's). it's summary is love God. He is the One. and i realize that maybe the whole hard heart thing isn't so far off...

i've been fighting against "religion" and "church" and in doing so i'm pretty sure i've cut myself off from the one who is full control of both. i thought i was attacking the system, but in essence have i been attacking God? it's really a personal thing, but i'm pretty sure that in my efforts to right a wrong that they have really been my efforts and not God's. what happened tonight was that i started back at square one and just told God how much i loved him and all then i started to feel that freedom and joy that comes from realizing the battle has been fought and already won. just let go and love God. surrendor is the message, not fight. pharoah with the hard heart, just turn it over and let God be God. i am really tired of fighting... and right now im just plain tired:)

i'm outie:)

i was posed with "get to know you" questions the other day and one of them was... "if you could have lunch with anyone who would it be and why?" so i've really been thinking about this and the only person(s) that comes to mind are my grandparents. more than meeting anyone famous i want to have lunch with them. i want to walk into the kitchen and see my grandpa sitting in the same chair he sat in every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. he greets me with my nick name that only he can get away with saying. gives me a hug and kiss.., recites the poem/jingle he created for me since the day i was born... maybe even tells me the story of how i came in to this world. my very reserved grandma is sitting across the table playing solitaire and waiting for me to make my way over to give her a hug and kiss.

the tea pitcher is on the table and has what may appear to the average eye as a shower cap covering the top. napkins are located right next to it. not just any napkins, but rather a collective. a gathering of napkins from every anniversary, birthday, and wedding they have every attended. some were dated as far back as the 50's. yellowed and more than likely, slightly used, these napkins were not to be thrown away!!! you never knew when a Great Depression may hit again, those napkins would come in handy for something...

the entire kitchen smells of the wood-burning stove, morning hash made in a cast-iron skillet, and Lysol. the little closet bathroom was right around the corner:)

my grandma brings out the Burl and Ives plates and we sit down to a meal of LO's (left overs) and it tastes like heaven. to compliment the gourmet meal i get served orange soda that has completely lost it's fizz (it's been around since 1970 something) along with strawberry Jello with bananas. no meal was ever complete without Jello:)

my grandpa recites the poem/jingle to me again and i listen to it as if hearing it for the first time... he tells me how i used to run up to him and he would swing me between his legs... i would giggle and do it over and over again...

does this sound like Little House on the Prarie? (ma and pa would bring out the fiddle and we'ld all sing songs and dance...) my childhood was a little bit like that. a little surreal and really, really comforting.
i want to be six feet small again...

peace:)

okay, so it's been way to long since i've blogged and there are a couple of reasons why that is...

1. i'm too pickin tired all the time
2. my stupid computer at home has a virus and so everytime i get on it boots me off in the middle of a blog and completely torks me off
3. reverting back to #1.

life is going to change soon and there is nothing i can do about it. it's a good thing, but oh so very frightening!! as of right now i am moving in with a married couple who have become very dear friends and i am sooo blessed to have amazing friends. However, there is this prideful part of me that wants nothing more than to live out of my car for the next three months because at least i'm "on my own." stupid huh? a futon verses my back seat, a toilet verses popping a squat, and i'm thinking my car is better because???

anyway... today i got the most amazing haircut. i don't think it's amazing because it makes me look like a punk rock star, or because it is way over the top... it's amazing because i got it for free and the woman who cut it charges $4,000 to an average customer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
holy guacamole!!! i almost peed on the spot! i topped off Meg Ryan in the department of most money spent on a cut! i don't think i want to sleep on it!! ever!! this haircut is worth more than all my possessions put together!

i'm am going to bask in this for awhile... i don't think i will ever have anything like this done to me ever again and i just want to run around town and let everyone see it. i'm a superstar for a day! whew hew!

that is all:)